The Artist Just Wants to Paint

“The Art of Letting Go.”
The number of times we have heard this phrase is kind of crazy. We know it, we are aware of it, and maybe some people even practise it.

Talking on a personal level, for the longest time, I thought I could let go of people, things, and incidents that no longer mattered to me. Then, again, I got to a point where I felt like I just couldn’t. I found myself holding on to those things, those incidents, asking why they happened, maybe even gaslighting myself into thinking I was fine with it. That I had gotten over it.

Now, months after that feeling, I think at least for now, I am being true to myself about my emotions.
And that’s what feels really important.

Maybe there were moments in your life, too, where you pretended to be strong, like you had it all together, when deep down, you knew it wasn’t what you truly felt. But people around you would still say, “Fake it till you make it.”

I don’t know about other things, but when it comes to your emotions, that is the crappiest advice anyone can give.
Healing, real healing, starts when you're honest with yourself about how you feel in certain situations.

So hear me out.
Take this as a process to understand your emotions in this moment.
Take a deep breath.

Now, ask yourself:
How have you been feeling lately?
You don’t want to be strong? Yes? No? say it.
You feel like breaking down but don’t know why? Say that too.
Be honest. Maybe you miss the friends you lost along the way. Acknowledge that you miss them.

And when all is said and done, if you want to, cry.
And no, I won’t tell you “don’t think about it ever again.”
Think about it every time you need to, and eventually, you will reach a point where those things just won’t make you cry anymore.
You won’t forget them completely, but you will have started moving on.
That’s when those things stop mattering.
That’s when you’ve truly let go.

I have always had a hard time letting go.
While I thought I was rationalizing my life, I was actually making it worse trying to make sense of everything, with no end in sight.

It got to a point where I started feeling paranoid. And yeah, I have had a firsthand experience of that now.
Maybe it’s because I am going through an identity crisis.
That’s a whole other topic, but yeah.

For the longest time, I kept trying to make sense of what happened to me because not being able to understand my life made me feel like I was losing control of it. ( I still do sometimes)
But I realized I had just gotten entangled in the strings of my own over-analysis.

Now, writing this blog is no longer about trying to figure it all out. It’s about letting go.
That’s the only way I can free myself from the mess of unmanaged emotions.

Lately, I have started acknowledging how I feel about certain things, certain memories that pop into my head.
I let them bug me for a second, and then I give myself a time-out.
“Okay,” I tell myself, “you can crash for a bit.”
And after that, I do something I love, learn something new, read a book, or watch my comfort movie.

I am not calling this therapy (though it’s working for now); it might not later.
But this is my way of learning how to take care of myself(finally).

When I say “do something you like,” I mean something that brings you to the present moment, the moment where you are just breathing.
Your past is memory. Your future is imagination.
The only thing that exists and is real is now.

You don’t have to sit cross-legged with your eyes closed to meditate. Just be present.
This state of mind unlocks when you involve yourself in something creative, something that makes time disappear.

We have used the word discipline for too long as if it’s only about structure.
But there’s also the discipline of being fully absorbed.
To be the artist who loses track of time because the brush, the colors, and the joy of creating are enough.
Not needing to check the clock, isn’t that simply bliss?

And I truly believe we all need at least one moment a day where we’re not watching the time.

This is it for the blog.
For me, the time when I don’t look at the time is when I’m writing.
And I want to keep adding more of these little things, things that help me stay in the moment.