SUMMER 2025

Lately, the blogs have been more about philosophical ideas than my day-to-day updates. So here I bring summer 2025 all in all. A three-month-and-a-half-day holiday, wow. Even the idea of it brings joy and delight. Now a sophomoreee. Freshman year was amazing, not always, but with all the stress in my head and fun side by side, a year passed. One thing that stayed with me was the time I was moving out of the dorm.

As an international student, when I saw parents and families coming to help their children move out, there I was, packing my things all alone, all lost, with no idea where to start or how to wrap things up. It reminded me of how Mamu just knows what to do and how to do it. It reminded me of how Baba would come with people who could lift all those heavy things around and help us move out. As a child, when moving out of home, I barely did anything. I would go to school at one home and return to the other. But this time it was completely different and, to be honest, really lonely. I had no idea at what time my friends would come to help pick things up, because they, too, were going through the same thing.

I knew when I was applying for the visa that it was going to be tough at times; it was in my head, but moments like this truly break you from within. And to have to deal with this all alone emotionally is another level of stress. Now, when I think about it, I have no idea how everything got done. To even go back to that time and relive the moment scares me. The loneliness I felt crept in. I’m not the kind of person who’s scared to live alone; I enjoy my company, but that time was different. Too empty. The space you lived in for around a year, right after you left home, was suddenly gone. How those corners knew the nights you hadn’t slept, and the nights where you prayed for everything to be fine.

I gained a lot and lost things at an equal level. For me, moving out of the dorm and being in New York for the summer felt like a “series” thingy. I literally lost around 15 pounds, worked on my diet, and someone who always said that she had a sugary tooth is now on a sugar cut. Yes, it's funny how within a snap things change and you change into being better. Also, with all the emotional disturbances and cries, being far away from it all felt like someone had framed it perfectly for me to have time for myself. Those dorm rooms hold memories of my loneliness more than my joy. Not as a con, but I truly grew as a person.

Now I am heading back to Texas. My friends and I have moved into this new apartment. We got our mattresses, beds, and everything done. No old memories to haunt me. Summer was a perfect break, and now it feels like a new season. When I said it feels like someone framed it, it truly does, and I am more than grateful for how things turned out.

It was scary, and still kind of is scary, to think about how now again I go back to doing things on my own. Here, I have a family. I don’t need to worry about what I’m going to eat. Even something as simple as that can make you stressed, who would have thought? With work and study side by side, not saying it’s just hard for me, obviously, but in general, the life of an international student has taught me experiences of a lifetime. I’m not going to meet crazy people like this, or really helpful ones, anywhere else. It’s just a reality check of how the world works, and to be learning that at 19 is tough but equally rewarding.

I believe in not having any pessimistic approach to anything; that’s how my system has been built. Maybe a major part comes from being spiritual: a sense of being taken care of, a sense of faith. I am a believer, and being one has truly helped me a lot. It might not be the same case for everyone, and that’s true and makes sense. Most of the things that have happened, or will happen, have always ended by giving me a good sense of self and the world.

So I am optimistic about this sophomore year. It may come with tears, both of joy and sadness, and I am all for it. I have faith that, in the end, everything folds out to be good for you. A full circle indeed.

I started scrolling back through the photos from move-out time, and I won’t lie, I kindaa feel like crying. I know how hard it was. Maybe it didn’t look that bad from the outside, but emotionally and mentally, I wasn’t good. I had also gained a lot of weight, lmao. Being a vegetarian and staying in the dorm with a meal plan is not for the weak. I ate a lot of junk, and honestly, the easiest thing to do in this country is get fat.

Now I’m putting in the effort to maintain a healthy diet and maybe lose some more weight (15 pounds ain’t enough, ig, idk). And maybe, just maybe, be happy? Maybe move on from the bonds that got lost along the way. This is it, I believe.

See ya!!

Next from Texas.