Raised to Endure, Not to Live

Met a good number of guys to understand that, to some extent, this generation is fucked too. After so many years of patriarchy, I kind of thought maybe finally the world is healing, and we see everyone more as humans than any gender identity. But those small conversations with your friends, something from your relatives, and a comment from a random stranger remind me that the patriarchy may seem to be abolished on the outside, but it's deeply rooted in the inner self. Statements like "chori manche vayera.." are still used casually. "Such a pussy" to someone who is weak. "Papa ki pari" because a random girl in a random meme couldn't put the indicator on when she was taking a turn. Proud to call themselves "mama's boy," but make fun of a daughter raised by her dad. Some say they respect women, but they forgot to mention that they only respect women in their homes and around them. Other than that? It's a meme.

It's sad, it really is. I see men justifying their mom working as well as taking care of their family as an act of love and sacrifice. But they never look into the fact that their moms had dreams too. Maybe they, too, wanted to be financially independent on their own, not having to ask for support from anyone. Maybe they, too, wanted to feel what actual freedom looks like. Maybe they, too, wanted to speak up against domestic violence, but couldn't, because a woman must be tolerant. Maybe she wanted to get that new dress without having to ask for money from someone else. The sacrifice you are talking about, your mom, is more of a suppression from society. Have you not heard the times women say, "I would have left the family if it were not for the children"? And those same children turn out to be misogynists. I still see women in marriages working and earning well, yet even their finances are handled by their husbands. You can debate by saying maybe the husband is good with money and blah blah blah, but she has to ask him to buy something for herself, and I have seen that the husband says no bluntly. And that wife doesn't feel wrong about it because that's what she saw. That was what she was taught. "A woman is all about sacrifices." Without even realizing it, we have been treated as an asset. Someone who can cook, clean, turn the house into a home, raise kids, and do a job, earn, and all for free. From an object to an asset. I, to some extent, understand the older generation saying so or believing so (never justifying), but my friends and people around, when they talk, want a woman who can take care of their family, or take care of them. Can you not take care of yourself? Is it not primarily your responsibility to take care of your family as well?

Take your time. Take your time to learn about people and how, over time, society has shaped things the way they are. It’s high time we start understanding each other and developing empathy.