First Impressions and Quiet Moments in NYC

Hey readers, it's day 2. Currently 6:34 PM. I wanted to write this a bit earlier, but I got lost. Lost in what? You'll find out soon.

They say you miss the things you once complained about (probably no one said it, but I'm saying it now). It's not the streets, the apartments, or the environment that make you miss home. When I think of "NYC," I know it's not going to be like Nepal. I know how the apartments look and the streets feel. It's the small, casual things that create the void of home. As I was unpacking my suitcases and organizing things, I heard people chatting in the streets. It's not a 40-year-old bearded man shouting about his "bhai" at work or a school kid yelling randomly. The language, the concerns, the tone—everything was different. That's when the void kicks in.

When I boarded for Dubai and landed at the airport, I wasn't surprised by the luxurious architecture because it was something I expected. What was unexpected were the Nepalese workers who didn’t create a void but filled it. And it won't always be this way. There will be times when you experience something new and different, and it just clicks that you are far from home.

Today I went with Didi and Thulmamu to drop her at work. On the way, we went to Dunkin' Doughnuts and walked to the apartment from the parking side, just 3 minutes away. When I came back home, I felt a kind of fear creeping in. What was it about? I didn't understand. I saw people here, but this time I noticed them. I noticed how different I am. The fear wasn’t about them being new; it was about not being accepted. Feeling like you don't belong here because you lack confidence in yourself. One thing I know for sure is that this weird feeling isn't about seeing new things or feeling new; it's about wondering if you can match those standards and fit in. Don’t you think it's better to just be yourself and be confident in who you are?

Obviously, you and I are different, and that’s what makes every individual beautiful. Additionally, if you are confident, you are halfway to finding your home anywhere in the world. Stepping out of your comfort zone might feel weird and misunderstood, but who are you trying to make understand? My sister here said, "People either hate NYC or just love it. People here aren’t like 'oh, good morning,' but they are kind and won’t judge. Nobody really cares." So, everything that was in my head was me taking things personally (man bata ta nepali nai ho ni lol). I have a lot to learn and work on. If you feel like you can relate, please, cutie, you are good. Be confident, okay?

When you go far from home, you tend to compare everything with how it was there. Like when we were driving through the streets, there were street names and numbers, and everything is in a proper system, with rules. It’s so fascinating, and I just straight out compare it with Nepal. Even the smallest details, I’m like, "Ah, Nepal ma ta yesto cha." I felt like maybe I was comparing too much. But to be real, I was missing Nepal. Either I say it out loud or not, it is what it is. Ohhoo, mero pyaro desh LMAO, I just recalled the time I won a poem competition on "Mero Desh" where I wrote about people who leave the country for better opportunities. I dissed them—ah, umm—never mind.

So, what did I do today? I took a rest, organized my suitcases, and learned so much about how university works here. I am at my uncle's house, and I have a sister here. I'm not sure if she is reading this, but I am so, so grateful to her. I might not be able to tell her (maybe), but I don’t find the English vocabulary rich enough to express how I feel. I know it's just been a day since I’ve been here, but exactly, it has just been a day, and I feel close to Didi, Thulmamu, and Thulbaba. OMG, GRATEFUL (touch wood).

Ah yes, the highlight of the day—I WENT TO A GHAR PUJA. Yes, for real, right after I got to the US, I got invited to a puja. Like the NRIs? Yes, they were one of those, and all the people there were green card holders and had been living there for a long time. It felt like being in some sort of web series where you see cameos of South Asian families and their rituals. Seeing a child speaking so fluent English with such a great accent and at the same time speaking Nepali correctly—

Like dayum.

You are not allowed to judge me for being surprised by this. I mean, it’s fine, okay? I have just been here, and I have a lot more to experience and learn.

It's already 11:33 PM. I need to sleep. GUYS, IT DIDN’T TAKE ME LONG TO MANAGE MY SLEEP SCHEDULE.

THAT’S A WIN HAHAHAHA

You might think I started writing this at 6 and now it's 11. Come on, guys, let's be real. I'm not writing a 15-mark exam with a strict time limit, so I can take my time, right? (I am lazy)

Okay, never mind, I will just sleep now.

Goodnight :)

See you.

A photo may be idk:)

random asf