Chori Malai Bhagi Bhagi Nasatau

He said he has fallen quite a few times there. It was steep, and if you don't have a good hold of yourself, you are gone for good. It's beautiful though. The hills surround everything as if they are hugging and getting hold of the people there. The river sounds like a harmonica all over. No kind of alarm would ever make it to the level of warmth, welcome, and morning that village has.

It will always be hard to see your father grow old. What feels harsh is that there will always be a version of him that I will never see. The blood, the adrenaline I have in my 20s, that old man probably had the same. He probably dreamt big too, looking at those hills with all the possibilities his future held. I sometimes wonder if this is the future he dreamt of having, and if not, how hard it must be to live with it. But who am I to make a verdict? He says he's living the dream, and I couldn't agree more. From where he belonged, the land he grew up on, to the land where I am today, is surely a dream come true. I wonder how much it took for him to be here. How many times he must have cried alone just to survive.

“We had to walk for around a day and more to reach Pokhara. I used to study my IA there while being a tuition teacher.”

He says he started living alone with 1500 IC in his pocket, and whatever we have today is that 1500. My grandfather died when my dad was in high school. Even before he could learn what a breadwinner was, he already was one.

I sometimes wonder if he truly lived his life for himself or if it just became for the people he loved and cared about. There must have been a time when he felt misunderstood. I have asked him several times to just write about his life experiences. That man has truly lived and is still living to the fullest. I always wanted to do it for him. I would ask him to share his lessons, how he figured out how the world runs, and how hard it was for him.

There's nothing that man has not done. I sometimes just wonder how a human body is capable of handling so much. From deadly accidents to hard job experiences, he has done it all. Even with everything, the optimism he holds is just phenomenal. I am an optimistic person, and I know it has a lot to do with his beliefs and values that were bestowed upon me.

Whenever life falls apart for me, there's a version of him in his 20s that I learn from. I am taking out this time to thank him for his guidance and his strength all along. Not just because you are my father, but also because you are a phenomenal person.

No piece of writing will ever be enough to explain the gratitude I have for you in my heart. Even if I let it out, it still won't pour out the respect I have. Thank you for helping me be the kind of person I am. Although we have different values and our arguments are always highlighted, I will forever cherish you and your beliefs. Even in your 40s, you question your beliefs. Once a foundation sets, I know how hard it becomes to rapidly change and adjust, and you do that gracefully. I don't know if you give yourself the credit you deserve, but here I am letting you know.

I know you are going to read this, and if you are here, Baba, I love you. Ma chu hai yetai <3

“Eka desh ma euta baba thiyo,
baba ko euta chori thi,
chori sani thi, chori gyani thi,
baba ko aakha ko nani thi.”

🧿🧿🧿

“Swarga banos tmro ghar aagan, dharti banos tmro janani,
Baba kai chori hunchu ma, arko juni ma pani.”